As Mark got older, his substance use disorder (SUD) only grew. His use of alcohol as a social crutch also became a coping mechanism for his mental health. “I had a lot of depression, anxiety, anger, and I didn't treat it. I didn't have any coping skills. My coping skill was alcohol,” he said. His alcohol use and the negative influences he saw growing up turned him down a path of destruction. “I saw people cheat and lie and steal around me, and that's what I did. That's how I lived my life.”
By 21, Mark received his first of four DUIs, although he admitted there would be hundreds had he been caught every time he drove under the influence. “Luckily, I didn't kill someone. Luckily, I didn't kill myself. Luckily, they were just DUIs,” he said. Mark’s life became littered with jail time, lost friendships, and broken family relationships.
Despite the harm occurring around him, Mark was in denial of his SUD. His family and friends tried to talk to him, but he shut them down. “My idea of an alcoholic was the cliché; there's a guy with a paper bag sitting under a bridge,” Mark explained. When he looked at his life – a car, a job, an apartment, an education – he did not see an alcoholic. “The thought of having a problem didn't even cross my mind. Not even close. Even after the DUIs, even after the close calls.”
SUD and its consequences finally caught up to Mark in February of 2024. He was depressed and unemployed due to an injury. “I was so depressed, everything was dark, and I didn't want to live anymore,” he said. One day he texted his girlfriend, telling her that he planned to commit suicide. The police arrived and Mark barricaded himself in a closet on his balcony, yelling that he had a weapon in hopes that the police would kill him. “They could have shot me. They could have killed me. And by the grace of God, they didn't. They teargassed me. They flash banged me... Finally, when they teargassed me twice, I had to give up because I couldn't breathe,” he said.
Mark was taken to jail and began to slowly sober up, but as he did, he realized that this situation was no “slap on the hand”; this was serious. “When I went to my first court date, I was looking at some serious charges because of the threat of life on a police officer. There were five counts of that. Nine total felonies after it was all said and done,” he said. “They didn't want any probation... ‘we want him to go to prison. He's a menace.’ That's what the DA said. ‘He's a menace.’”
While his lawyer looked into recovery programs, Mark turned to God, praying that his SUD be taken away. “I started thinking and I was like, ‘Lord, you know... I want to get help. I'm asking for it. I'm begging for it. For the first time I'm saying, I'm an alcoholic. I am an alcoholic,’” he said. “‘I want help. Please help me.’” Hoping against all odds for help and for mercy from the court, God answered Mark’s prayers. “The judge overruled the district attorney and said, ‘I'm gonna give him help,’” Mark said.
Mark was sent to CRASH and then to ECS Central East Regional Recovery Center (CERRC). By chance, his CERRC counselor, Charles, graduated from CRASH, as well. He knew where Mark was coming from and how to best continue his recovery journey. “For me, it was life and death. I need someone who's going to tell me how it is, not tell me what I want to hear, but tell me what I need to hear,” Mark said.
Mark shared that the entire CERRC team – from the front desk associates to the case managers and counselors – was wonderful and saw his progression. Stephanie helped him get his EBT card, set up a dentist appointment, and work on his resume. Rachel helped him find a sober living in which he could thrive.